this is the spot that my dog Joey would stand at...

My dog joey had a cat that loved to hang out with him. I am putting a picture of the two in my photo section.  This picture was taken 12 hours before Joey died. The cat never came around me until after Joey died. Now he hangs out with me and can be a real pain lol. I am not a cat person. Joey has been in my thoughts a lot lately. If I walk to the store I pass a spot that joey considered sacred. It is a group of 3 trees (now stumps) that died at the same time. When the first one was cut down, I saw its spirit in full Native war dress standing on the stump. It stayed there until the other trees were cut down.     Joey would bring me to this spot and just stand there for 45 minutes or longer. He didn't move. He just leaned against me and watched the world pass by.  He taught me that sometimes you just have to do this. When he was done standing, he would just continue his walk.  Joey and I were never real close until my other two dogs moved on. He enjoyed being the only dog.  When he was a puppy he would look at me as if to say "How did I get stuck with you as my owner?"  He was very defiant.  He was also abused before I got him at 8 weeks. I loved joey so much. I feel guilty about his death.  He actually hemorrhaged and bled to death internally.  The vet told me he would have died anyway, that nothing could save him. He was too old to go through any operation.  He was 11 years old and started to die (I did not know this at the time) on my Birthday last year. The guilt I feel about him is still haunting me. I need to release it. I know he would not want this....

Just found out that a 10th rite was passed down this spring:

The tenth rite, of “The Feminine” was transmitted for the first time in the spring of 2007. The Feminine Rite prepares and carries us into a time of peace, abundance, wellness, and collective consciousness."

A while ago I was thinking about my life and all that has happened in the past few months. I picked up my copy of the messiah's handbook by Richard Bach and asked myself if how I perceive my flute playing and future performances were the real me or just a work of fiction. I opened the book and this is what I read:  "No matter how qualified or deserving you are, you will never reach a better life until you can imagine it for yourself, and allow yourself to have it." WOW! What I read into this is that I have to be it and not just dream it. So easy to say but so hard to do. I have a problem with taking chances especially if they are major chances. It is something I have to work on...it would be so nice if I had someone in my life that I could grow with..someone that is real and part of me. I guess that is something I have to work on also...

Meditation. computers love. where am I? friends. people I care about. writing. Playing Native American flute. Reiki. Finding myself. Being myself. Division. Work.  Greed. Part of the problem and false solutions.  Drumming.  seeking. Music. chanting. reality. creation.....

I get so many emails and snail mails asking for my money. If I was to donate to each and every one of them I would have to get a second job.  I do realize that what i make in a year is more than a lot of people in the world make. I take the things I own for granted.  I own 30 some Native American flutes, 2 guitars, a mountain dulcimer, a brass singing bowl, a small pow wow drum, 3 frame drums, an udu and a djembe. My mother still shakes her head if another NAF is delivered to my door. She doesn't understand the need for more than one. In a way I find it hard to follow the words of the seventh fire prophecy about getting away from technologies. To me the computer is a tool that keeps me in contact with people that I would never be in contact with by any other means. I fall into the trap where I do not write letters anymore or even make phone calls. I am amazed with the number of people I chat with that are fictitional. Why the need to be someone else? Is something lacking in their life? People like playing with others emotions. I tend to be very honest online and it can freak people out. It also amazes me that if I ask someone what their interest are that I get  a response about what they like to do sexually. I guess people use the internet for anonamous safe sex.  I am off from work today..had to work yesterday which was the actual holiday. It is very gray outside. Going to rain most of today and tonight but we can use the rain. Geeze, if I am talking about the weather, it is time to end this LOL

If you have ever read Richard Bach's "Illusions"  You will know that he talks about a book called the Messiah's Handbook where he asks a question and then opens the book and gets answers. Well a couple of years ago he put out The messiah's Handbook as a book. Well the other day I asked a question and then opened the book and the answer I got was so right on it startled me. I was writing an email to a friend of mine and wanted to quote what it said and I can't find the entry in the book.  The book isn't very big and most of the pages only have one or two lines on them. I looked at every page twice! I just think it is weird that I can't find the passage....

The past two days have been nothing but contemplation. I did manage to play a flute or two. (or three or four...) I realize that I have to use actualization to realize what I am to be in this life. Bad things happen to me and I have had so many "could have beens." I am tired of what my life has become. I hate my job. I have realized that things have to change. I am going through the 9 rites of the Munay-ki the end of this month. Becoming an Earthkeeper. I think I have always been one. I am performing in Pennsauken , NJ the week before my performance in October at the Oklahoma flute fest. Pennsauken was the first place that I ever performed with a Native American flute in public. It was a turning point in my life. Oklahoma is going to be another one. I am finding myself being grouped with some really talented flute players. I am scared. Fear has run my life for most of it. My Grandmother taught me to never take chances. But isn't living life all about taking chances?

I just received the DVD Munay-ki The hero's Journey by Alberto Villoldo, Ph.d. Today. I am going to be going through the Nine Rites of the Munay-ki in July. I have watched the vids at munay-ki.org before but this DVD goes into more detail. I think becoming an earthkeeper will just bring me closer to where I should be. I am looking forward to sharing my experiences in the future...

Was outside this morning playing a couple of flutes and thinking about what I am doing and where I am heading. People tell me how good my flute playing is. I am amazed. Guess I do not see it. I am not looking for people to tell me how wonderful I am.  Playing Native American flute does make me feel good. Makes me realize what and who I am. Trees have always been part of my life so it is only natural that I have been drawn to the flute.  The most importnat thing I can do is honor the tree it came from...will write more later..it is way to nice outside